


Sparring

by MapToWhereIAlreadyAm



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Blindness, Darksaber, Forgiveness, Gen, Lightsabers, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Season 3 Era, Sparring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 01:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8382031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapToWhereIAlreadyAm/pseuds/MapToWhereIAlreadyAm
Summary: Sabine plays with her new toy,Ezra is a beginner all over again,And Kanan has still got it.OrMusings on love, acceptance, and seeing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for this request on [Tumblr](http://swrrequests.tumblr.com/post/152028828777/so-its-established-that-part-of-jedi-training) for Ezra training blindfolded.
> 
> I also took inspiration from Season 3 trailers showing Sabine with the darksaber and an interview with Freddie Prinze, Jr. on how Kanan will help train Sabine in using it. I wrote this after Hera’s Heroes episode so this is fun speculation at this point.

The zaps and crackles of lightsabers clashing drew Ezra out of the Ghost and into the Atollon dusk. They had a different sound than when he fought with Kanan. More hesitant. A slower rhythm. He was eager to see the action and broke into a jog as he followed the familiar sounds.  They led him past a coralline formation and into an open area, still well within the ring of protective sensors. Zeb and Rex were already there, sheltered under an overhanging branch of coral, watching the swordplay. They nodded when Ezra approached but kept their focus on the pair in front of them.

 

Sabine was moving through Form Three, the darksaber gleaming in her hands. Ezra's grin widened. He still wasn’t used to seeing her wield it. The blade itself was fascinating. Somehow pulling light in, all the while emitting a subtle glow. Seeing it in Sabine’s hands was just as riveting. There was no doubt that she was a skilled warrior - with blasters and in hand to hand combat, though. With the darksaber, she was back to being a beginner. Dressed in her ever present Mandalorian armor, she moved through familiar Jedi forms. These were two things Ezra didn’t usually associate together.

 

Kanan had had her doing forms for the past week, but today they were working in pairs. It was the sounds of darksaber on lightsaber, of blades contacting that had brought him out of the Ghost.  They were running through the forms in counterpoint. As Sabine brought the sword into a defensive position, Kanan moved into an offensive one, each movement ending with a clashing sound. Kanan had done the same with Ezra. As the forms became second nature, it was helpful to have the resistance of another’s blade.  To notice how each element worked with an opponent. While Sabine had a long way to go, she responded with only the slightest hesitations to Kanan’s fluid motions.  With their blades snapping in a tentative beat, it brought to mind two dancers, not two opponents.

 

Ezra felt his smile falter, muted by the sudden stab of jealousy that surfaced. He hadn’t realized how much of his identity was tied up in being Kanan’s padawan. That is until after Malachor when it felt like things were falling apart. He had been adrift without Kanan’s guidance. It was only then that he sensed the full meaning of the master/apprentice relationship. But they seemed to be figuring things out again.  He felt more now, the depth of care, love even, that Kanan felt for him, even as he worked on forgiving himself.

 

He shook his head to clear the negative thoughts. He didn’t need to be jealous of Kanan training  Sabine. He could see the delight with which she took to her new weapon. And that made him happy.

 

“How have they been doing?” Ezra asked the pair of men he stood next to.

 

“Forms and more forms. Tedious work, but discipline is the foundation for any warrior,” Rex replied.

 

“Yeah, Sabine’s good. Not as good as you, kid, but not bad for a beginner,” Zeb added.

 

The two finished their form work in a buzzing staccato of movements.

 

“Make sure you keep your weight on your back foot. You were overextending on that last round,” Kanan said.

 

“Forms are good and all, Kanan, but when are you going to let her fight?” Ezra called out.

 

Sabine lowered her blade and wiped the back of her gloved hand against her forehead. “Yeah, not that I’m complaining about doing all this formwork,” she said, pausing to take a breath, “but I’m complaining that I’m doing a lot of formwork.”

 

“You want to spar?” Kanan asked, his lips quirked as a hint of amusement touched his voice.

 

“Yeah, let’s see what’s she’s made of, Kanan,” Zeb said.

 

“Let her have some fun,” Rex added.

 

Kanan nodded his head, considering. “Alright, then.”   He turned to Ezra. “You’re up kid.”

 

“Me?”

 

“You wanted Sabine to fight. You two have at it.”

 

“Uh, ok,” Ezra said, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to figure out Kanan’s motivation.  

 

But if he was honest, a chance at being the more experienced fighter was not an opportunity he wanted to pass up.  He pulled his lightsaber out as he moved to meet Sabine. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet, ready for a break from the forms.

 

“Just what you’ve been waiting for, Ezra. A chance to show off!” Sabine said.

 

“Don’t worry ‘Bine. I’ll go easy.” He was shooting for reassuring. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t keep the trace of cockiness out of his voice.

 

Kanan had moved to stand next to Zeb. “Sabine!” He yelled, getting her attention before tossing his lightsaber to her. “Set it to training blade.”

 

Sabine inspected the hilt, before nodding. “Right.”

 

In turn, she switched off the darkblade and threw it to Kanan. He caught it easily in one hand.

 

Ezra still didn’t understand how Kanan did it - how he could snatch the weapon out of the air. Sabine hadn’t even announced that she was going to throw it. Kanan just knew where it was and when to grab.

 

But when walking, Kanan needed to lead with one hand, in case he ran into something. Collisions happened far more often than Ezra would have liked. And more than once he had seen his master's balance wobble when walking on the uneven ground of Atollon. Ezra found he didn’t want to look too closely at Kanan’s abilities. Or lack thereof. It felt too uncomfortable to try to understand his master’s experience. To be reminded of how much Kanan had lost.

 

So Ezra brushed those thoughts aside, focusing on his match with Sabine.

 

“I seriously doubt the training blade is necessary, Kanan,” Ezra said.

 

The darksaber was ancient and lacked the training option that his and Kanan’s lightsabers had. Its blade could be equally lethal in training or actual combat. But Ezra felt confident that he could block whatever Sabine wanted to dish out. She had only trained in forms so far, after all.

 

“You’re probably right,” Kanan conceded, “but I’ll hold on to the darksaber just the same.”

 

His master paused as if he was considering. “Oh, Ezra, put this on.” He tossed a small and shapeless item towards his padawan.

 

Ezra frowned as he looked at what he had caught. A bandage? No. It was a strip of fabric. He felt a moment of panic when he finally recognized it. His confidence faded as he wondered how he was supposed to duel someone blindfolded.

 

Before he even considered the implications, the words were out of his mouth. “You want me to wear this? And spar with Sabine? That’s not fair!” Ezra protested.

 

“I know,” Kanan said calmly.

 

Ezra immediately wished he could retract his words. A flush of heat rose on his cheeks. He ducked his head, feeling all the worse for Kanan’s stoic response. _Of course it’s unfair._

 

Taking a deep breath, he brought the blindfold to his face. But not before he caught Zeb and Rex exchanging glances, eyes wide. They seemed to be reeling from Kanan’s audacity while trying to stifle a laugh at Ezra’s predicament.  

 

“Oh, yeah, let’s do this.” Now that the fight was more balanced, Sabine was much more enthusiastic.

 

Ezra finished tying on the blindfold.  He waited for the familiar hiss of Kanan’s lightsaber igniting in Sabine's hand, before turning his own on. Bringing it to his centerline, vertically in front of his face, Ezra gave the universal symbol of acknowledging one’s opponent. He could only assume Sabine was doing the same.

 

Ezra’s blade buzzed as he swung it wide, his weight shifting back and forth in his heels before he settled into a defensive posture. While it was a form he was intimately familiar with it still felt odd without any visual cues. Did he typically sink that low into a squat? Was his saber hand chest high now or had it drifted down?

 

He found himself straining to hear. He hadn’t realized how loud footsteps were on the ground here. Fortunately, lightsabers gave off a distinctive hum and crackled as they moved, cluing him in to Sabine's position.

 

Ezra crouched down. Small movements with bent knees allowed him to maintain his balance as he moved over the uneven terrain. But he didn't feel confident that he could move quickly without tripping. He would have to choose between speed and security. And positioning? Ezra only had the vaguest idea how far away Sabine was. It was going to be a defensive game. Not his favorite strategy. It was far more fun to be the one controlling the offensive than waiting for the attack.

 

Ezra flexed his fingers on his lightsaber hilt, willing the tension out of his grip. It was all too unnerving. It wasn’t like he had never trained blindfolded. It was a regular staple of their training routines. But it had always been against projectiles and in a static position. He would assume a defensive posture and work on deflecting blaster shots until he could do it in his sleep.

 

But here he would need to attack and parry Sabine’s swings. Positioning was crucial in swordplay. He would need to maintain the necessary distance to land blows, pressing advantages and retreating from attacks. The complexity of what was required felt overwhelming.

 

Kanan and Ezra hadn’t trained blindfolded since Malachor and Ezra knew that was what was bothering him. Not whether he could defend against Sabine’s attacks. But the sinking feeling of knowing this was his master’s life now. Did Kanan always worry about tripping? Or running into something? Or floundering in the air?

 

A slight crunch and a hitch in Sabine’s breathing were his only head’s up. Ezra moved his hand across his body, allowing the lightsaber to block any incoming attacks directed at his chest. But he didn't make contact. His parry didn’t touch her blade, and no attack landed outside his defensive zone.

 

A feint, then.

 

Ezra made a sweeping counter-movement to protect his open side. The arching snap of lightsabers connecting was his reward. As Sabine’s blade rebounded from the contact, he lunged targeting what he assumed was the space of her mid-torso. But there was no reassuring resistance - only thin air. Too late, her footsteps moved in. Overbalanced, he didn’t have time to recover. Her training blade smacked his elbow.

 

“Arrrg!” Ezra flinched from the impact. He sidestepped and swung his arm in a circle, trying to work the stinging pain.

 

“' _I’ll go easy,'’ he said.’_ ” Ezra could hear the delight in Sabine’s voice as she taunted him. “If this is easy, Ezra, gimme hard!”

 

Rex’s and Zeb’s laughter was loud in Ezra’s ears, but Kanan’s silence was louder still.

 

Ezra lowered the tip of his blade and wedged the blindfold up higher to peek at his master. “I’m not so sure about this.”

 

“Don’t focus on what you think you should be hearing or what you can’t see. Focus on what you are feeling, actually feeling right now in the Force,”  Kanan reassured him.

 

“Easy for you to say. When you were my age you had been fighting like this for years,” Ezra grumbled.

 

“When I was your age, I was getting drunk and chasing pretty faces. Not fighting with a lightsaber,” Kanan said.

 

“Wait. What?!” Ezra stood straighter as he processed what Kanan said.

 

Kanan didn’t talk much about his past. While he had an idea that his master had gone through some dark times, he wasn’t sure what that entailed. This was news to him and was another reminder that Kanan's experience was all a bit alien to Ezra. He glanced at Sabine, who shrugged.

 

"Never mind that," Kanan said. “You’ll see more if you stop looking,” he added gently.

 

”’ _You’ll see more if you stop looking,'_ ” Ezra repeated under his breath as he pulled the blindfold back into place. “Somebody is channeling Master Yoda today.”

 

Despite his comments, Ezra took Kanan’s words to heart. As he inhaled, he allowed himself to find the Force and linger in contact with it, to not rush into a fight. When he did, he was able to sense Sabine’s eagerness. To feel Kanan’s calm acceptance radiating out. Zeb and Rex’s amusement tickled him. His feelings of unease stirred the Force, a restlessness that wouldn't settle.

 

Sparring was training for Sabine, but Ezra was the beginner here. Yes, there was the perpetual fear of a padawan never measuring up, but if he looked deeper, he saw more. The fear that this blindfolded training exercise was too close to Kanan’s day to day experience. He squirmed under that uncomfortable truth. Ezra wanted to move away from it, to spring into action to distract himself from the pain. But it didn’t seem right to shift away from that discomfort. Not when Kanan couldn’t drop his disability like Ezra could his blindfold.

 

Resolving to stop avoiding what he didn’t want to see, Ezra took another deep breath, taking it all in. To just notice what was actually in the Force. Of loss. Of change. Of sorrow. It was painful. But when he stopped avoiding it Ezra could also see connection. And wisdom. And acceptance. He saw these things in himself. In Kanan.

 

Seeing, actually seeing, instead of trying to move away from the discomfort, let him know he was ready. Ezra brought the tip of his lightsaber to his face before dropping it with a flourish.

 

Sabine loomed large in the Force. Ezra recognized her signature, but he also noticed how she was feeling. Eager. Overconfident.  And he saw how she was moving. Her lightsaber was raised over her head, both hands grasping it. She was going for a frontal attack, ready to bring her lightsaber down on him. He could see where he was and where he needed to be.

 

Ezra moved in a way that felt almost slow, but perhaps it was because there was nothing extraneous in his efforts. There was no need to rush. He hadn’t made a conscious decision to shift. It seemed like the logical conclusion for every moment and decision leading up to this point. He sidestepped Sabine, before spinning and swinging his blade back towards her. It stopped centimeters from her neck. He didn’t need to hear her surprised gasp for confirmation that he was on target.

 

He backed down to give her a moment to regroup before they started once more.

 

Again and again, Ezra would reconnect with the Force. Each time he would encounter the pain and joy of being alive. He would have to watch it for a moment, knowing that looking away was tantamount to denying Kanan’s experience.

 

Sometimes Ezra couldn’t find the courage to look at it. He would squirm and try to distance himself from what the Force was showing him. It was evident when he disregarded this reality. Sabine’s blows would land. He would falter. But when he held his fears lightly, not indulging them nor denying them, he found a clarity that allowed him to move on faith. Trust in the Force and trust in his master’s wisdom. And more often than not, his blade would swing true.

 

Ezra and Sabine fell into a comfortable rhythm. They were mostly blocking each other’s attacks, but occasionally one would land. It turned out that Sabine’s inexperience was a good match for Ezra’s handicap. Ezra suspected that Kanan knew that when he set them up to spar.

 

“Good one, Ez’,” Sabine said after a particularly bold lunge on Ezra’s part, narrowly rolling out of his reach.

 

“Hey, I learn from the best.” Ezra couldn’t keep the smile off his face before returning his focus to seeing in the Force. Sabine’s eagerness had tempered into something more controlled and relaxed. His fear was still present but mellowed.

 

Zeb was speaking to the others, but Ezra barely registered it. His attention was on Sabine.

 

“They’ve found their strides,” Zeb said, his admiration obvious.

 

“Looks like they’ve gotten pretty comfortable. Huh, Kanan?” Rex replied.

 

“Hmm….” was Kanan’s only acknowledgment.

 

The lightsabers zapped as they connected. Ezra made a sweeping movement to cover his legs, before feinting, then slashed sideways. Another crackle as his blade encountered Sabine's. It was an easy flow. Much like the forms Sabine and Kanan had practiced earlier. Ezra felt a measure of peace that he hadn’t felt in some time.

 

Then something was off. At first, Ezra couldn’t place it. Was it a noise? He heard the swish of clothing followed by the soft flutter of air moving against his face. There was a muted thud and a cry of surprise. He heard crunching as if someone turned on their heel, then a sharp intake of breath between clenched teeth.

 

Ezra's wrist twisted as Sabine’s blade drove his lightsaber outward. His world went sideways as something crashed into his legs.  He swung his arms wide to catch himself and his weapon flew from his grasp before he crashed to the ground.

 

Ezra lay still for a long moment stunned by the sudden change in orientation. All sense of seeing with the Force was gone. He was in the dark again.

 

He groaned, pawing at his face to remove his blindfold. Blinking at the bright light, he saw Kanan standing next to Sabine. His master was releasing his grip on her arm, where he had pinned it behind her. Her lightsaber was lying on the ground.

 

Ezra shook his head. Had Kanan jumped weaponless into the middle of their sparring? His master must have taken control of Sabine’s lightsaber to parry Ezra’s blade away before kicking out his padawan’s legs.

 

“What happened there?” Kanan was addressing both Sabine and Ezra. His master might as well be asking what’s for dinner for all the calm he projected.

 

“You two got schooled by a blind guy, that’s what!” Rex crowed.

 

Zeb seemed to be struggling to breathe between bouts of laughter.

 

“You mean besides being totally surprised by an unexpected attack?” Sabine asked rubbing her arm, before considering seriously. “I let you get too close to me so I couldn't defend against your attack with the lightsaber.” She finally concluded.

 

“Right.” Ezra detected a note of pride in Kanan’s voice. “With the darksaber, you’ll need to learn a new sweet spot for where to hold your opponent at. It’s much farther away than you are used to with hand to hand. Ezra was waiting for you to initiate the attacks, so you didn’t get to experience what to do when someone presses you.”

 

“Ezra?” Kanan asked as he turned towards his padawan.

 

“Umm, well, I was looking at Sabine with the Force, not seeing everything. I was too focused on the fight. I didn’t even see you when you were in the middle of it. I could only see Sabine’s surprise,” Ezra conceded.

 

“Good! Do you think you can keep your focus open next time?” Kanan asked.

 

“I’ll- I’ll try.”

 

Ezra wasn’t quite ready to move on. He remained seated on the ground, thinking. Swallowing, he gathered the courage to ask what was on his mind. “How do you do it, Kanan? I mean not so much the getting around part, but waking up every day without ever seeing a sunrise or Sabine’s art or Hera? How do you manage?”

 

Kanan opened his mouth then closed it again, surprised by Ezra’s question. He seemed to be looking off into the distance as he thought. He responded with his own question.  “What do you see? Right now. With your eyes.”

 

“Um, well I see the Ghost and the sky and the mesa and Sabine and you…” he trailed off wondering where Kanan was going with this.

 

“Do you see despair?”

 

“Well, no.”

 

“How about hope or anxiety?”

 

“Uh, no but those are emotions, not things.”

 

“But these are still things that can cloud how you perceive the world. I’m learning to see them for what they are.”

 

“Which is what?”

 

“Not reality. Simply thoughts that come and go. They are a natural part of being alive, arising from our minds, but then they shift and fade and transform into other things if we allow them. To not attach ourselves to them. But they aren’t part of what’s right here, right now. If all I notice is what I can’t do, if I allow my anger or sorrow to define my reality, I can’t see anything.”

 

Ezra nodded. He thought he understood. Kanan was showing him something new. Sharing his experience. Teaching him.

 

He felt a sudden tightness in his throat. Kanan wasn’t angry at Ezra. It was so clear to him that his master didn’t blame him. Didn’t ever blame him. But Ezra couldn’t get past his guilt. It was influencing how he saw things. It was shaping his world. Ezra wanted to go back and do over everything on Malachor, but he couldn’t.

 

Maybe he just needed to stop looking to find fault. Instead, he could try to see what was already in front of him.

 

A gloved hand landed gently on Ezra’s shoulder, interrupting his thoughts. Kanan turned it over, palm open, inviting Ezra to grab it. “C’mon. You ready for more?” Ezra let himself be hauled up but lingered for a moment next to Kanan, unwilling to end the contact.

 

“Thanks, Kanan.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For everything.”

 

“Sure, kid.” A smile pulled at Kanan’s mouth but all Ezra could see was love.

 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at [MapToWhereIAlreadyAm](http://maptowhereialreadyam.tumblr.com) sharing occasional writing snippets and updates and plenty of general Star Wars: Rebels goodness.


End file.
